he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
