he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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