there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
