just tell him i said nine months
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
