I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
