he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
