We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this is an emotional support booty call
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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