i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
