hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
