Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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