I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
