can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
