Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
