Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
