okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
