Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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