Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Houston, we have a blender
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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