my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize