STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
