I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
do herpes really smell.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
