There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
