I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Welp...herpes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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