I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
