I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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