Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
