It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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