It's Friday. Sex?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
