it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
