You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
