He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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