Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
