yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
