i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
