My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
