please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
