Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
