I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
