You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
