i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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