are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
