"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize