I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
