The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
