Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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