She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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