Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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