Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
