Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
