what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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