Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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