Say something about gay babies.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
