if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This baby is an asshole
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
