I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
