well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
