Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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