well I can't set my house on fire every night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize