You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
