I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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