I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
