Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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