atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
