I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
