I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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