u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
