he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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