Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
