I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
