Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
wow bdsm is so cute
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
