Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
