I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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