I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
