Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
