I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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