I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
