One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
