My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
